Rules on dating a rockstar
I love what I do, and I’m lucky enough to be business oriented with the opportunity to live in the moment. Five months ago the keyboard player was going to move in with me and my boyfriend. We still talk for hours every day, have incredible sex, and instead of harming each others careers like we feared, we’re actually making each others lives better. Now we’re both stable again and things are confusingly wonderful. We harshly make fun of one another’s dates and always take each other’s advice when it comes to ditching someone who isn’t good for us. I’m not the kind of person who needs to be affirmed by my relationships, and it seems that the strong boundaries of our “relationship” work so well because they are elusive and undefined, no mess no fuss. However, most of my band mates and musician friends basically live on a stack of pizza boxes, whisky, and Muscle Milk. If they are inspired to write something, whatever you're doing has to stop. Also, why is Smash Mouth your favorite band of all the time? All those songs I played you when we first met couldn't have been about you. I sleep on an awesome bed in a great apartment, full of color and life, and have only vomited on my own floor once and that was years ago and I had the flu. Then they cannot be your favorite band of all time. Get ready to listen to a bunch of songs about their exes. We agreed to call off our trysts if we became too attached or started to get jealous. So here’s my question: WHAT am I supposed to make of this? He said he’d been forcing himself to hold back because I manage his band, but I was too smart/attractive/fun and he couldn’t take it anymore.I have nothing but the nicest things to say about most of them . It’s normal to feel a little jealous, but there’s no point in getting too insecure because this will happen after show. If I’m in a relationship with someone, I of course want to support their career, but going to a bunch of gigs, especially ones that are late at night, can be a pretty hearty time commitment. Speaking as one of those people, it takes awhile to develop thick skin. This is another fact: unless he and his bandmates are explicitly sober, they’re going to be around alcohol and probably drugs, too, and oftentimes getting it for free. This is a saying from my friend, our former “Mind Of Man” columnist John De Vore.
We have a million things in common, and he reads me so completely. You’re not wrong to have strong feelings for this guy. I don’t know any obscure bands and can’t talk knowledgeably about any artist’s “catalog.” I don’t particularly like going to see live music that much—it’s too loud, and I get too tired. I appreciate and enjoy music, but have no passionate or fanatical interest in it.Again and again I’d fall for the sensitive guitar player who wears eyeliner … But maybe you will be bothered by him missing your birthday because he has a gig in New Jersey, or inclined to paranoia that he’s got “a girl in every port.” Also, if you have pets or kids together, you should expect to do more of the care when he’s on tour. Again, these people aren’t worth getting jealous or insecure about. I might possibly be bitter because I got a song for Valentine’s Day one year which appeared to have been written that same day. If you’re someone who works a 9-to-5 job and requires a full night’s sleep like I do, this is not a match. This is just a fact about all creative folks — writers like myself, actors, musicians, whatever.and again and again the same patterns would repeat themselves that led to us breaking up. I perfected the “watchful girlfriend off to the side” stance — not possessively hovering too close, but also making it clear to both him and the other chicks that I was watching. You’ll be expected to go to not just some gigs, but probably their shows. Make no mistake: these are all serious things to consider if you’re dating a successful musician. But if you’re also a night owl, then this relationship could work out great. We put our souls into what we do, so we can’t help but take it very, very personally if people don’t like it — even if we’ve become successful doing it professionally. If you go to bed with a writer, expect to wake up with shit written about you.